Locavore Ranch

OH MY GOD 

I am finally writing down this recipe. Brace yourselves, it's PREEETTYYY hard (no it's not, provided you have a food processor - if you don't it just takes a little more elbow grease).

Ingredients

4 egg yolks watch this if you don't know how to separate an egg

2 garlic cloves, smashed with the side of your knife and peeled

1 T apple cider vinegar 

1.5 cups oil (vegetable, canola, any neutral-flavored oil works - do NOT use olive oil)

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sour cream

1/4 cup heavy cream

Dill, chives, parsley, basil, tarragon

1. Put your 4 egg yolks, 2 garlic cloves, 1 Tablespoon vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon salt in the bowl of your food processor. If you don't have a food processor, chop your garlic finely and whisk the ingredients together.

2. Slowly stream in 12 ounces of oil while the food processor is on (or you are whisking). If you're using a whisk, hold your bowl and the oil in one hand while you whisk with the other. It takes some practice but we all did it in culinary school, I promise you'll get the hang of it. It also helps to put your bowl on a damp folded towel so that it doesn't slide around on the counter.

3. You'll know when your mayo is nearing its ideal consistency when you hear the sound and color of the liquid in the processor change (it will become softer and the color will become lighter yellow).

4. After your mayo reaches the desired thickness, chop your chives, parsley, dill and basil roughly and add it to the food processor. Note: you can add as little or as much of the herbs as you'd like. Normally, I'd add 3x this much dill but I have baby brain and forgot what the fuck I was doing so my ranch wasn't as dilly as normal. Also Ming bought curly parsley instead of flat-leaf... whatever. If that's your jam, go get it - flat-leaf is better. Fight me.

5. Blend the herbs with the mayo until they are broken up but not completely incorporated. If you're doing this by hand, finely chop your herbs and whisk them in. Then add your 1 cup sour cream and 1/4 cup heavy cream. Give it a few more pulses in the food processor and then taste. Add more salt or vinegar to your taste preference. 

 

Note: this recipe makes almost a quart of ranch. Why? Because if you put too few egg yolks in a food processor or to whisk in your bowl, they won't have enough friction to emulsify with the oil. The least you can use is 3. I use 4 because I like the extra flavor. Also, an egg yolk can absorb almost an unlimited amount of oil. If the mayo base is too eggy, use 3 eggs yolks instead of 4 and use more oil. You will have to then taste and adjust the remainder of the ingredients.

Like a real Wisconsinite, enjoy your ranch with pizza someone else made. It's the optimum way of eating ranch! PS eat your ranch within a week. After that, you're taking your life into your own hands (believe me, I ate old homemade mayo once. 0/10, do not recommend).